Lunch in London, anxiety in Nigeria By Reuben Abati

What’s gwan inna wa cwantry?”

“What language is that?”

“English of course.”

“Sounds like Creole to me. Why don’t you just talk straight?”

“Nobody talks straight in this country anymore.”

“I still talk straight.  I can’t start twisting my tongue because some people have lost it.”

“Okay, I was asking what is going on in our country?”

“Is that a direct question or a sly comment?”

“Just answer the question”

“What I know is that we are now truly, a country of hyenas, jackals, and small animals.  A big animal kingdom, but when the First Lady Aisha Buhari drew attention to this, recently, we all started screaming that she was rather condescending but right now, with what I am seeing and hearing, I believe she will be vindicated in the long run.”

“I see.”

“We, the people are obviously the small animals. In an animal kingdom, the bigger animals do what they like with the smaller ones, and they dare not complain.”

“But you still haven’t answered my question”

“My friend, why must I always be the one to tell you what is going on in this country? When you want to be mischievous, that is when you ask funny questions. Are we not in this country together? Don’t you listen to the news like everyone else? So, why should I become your newspaper and internet combined. Stop it. But for just this last time, I will use my church mind to tell you that the latest development is photography as a tool of governance. Some APC Governors and party leaders just visited President Muhammadu Buhari in London. They had lunch with him and took photographs.”

“I know about that. I actually saw the photos too. But the whole thing doesn’t look straight to me.”  

“It doesn’t look crooked to me either. People have been complaining that the President of Nigeria is missing in action and they need to know that he is still alive. So, they provide a photograph of him having lunch with his party members and loyalists. How is that a problem for you? We should be glad that the President is getting well.”

APC: The Obstinate Journey To Shame Via London By Pius Adesanmi

Those interested in the dustbin of Nigeria's history will one day find APC inside the rubble, among the putrefaction, just beside PDP, and bring out her carcass for examination.

Such students of the dustbin of history will likely conclude that APC's signature contribution to the Nigerian tragedy is not in the empirical failure to deliver on measurable electoral promises in virtually all areas of national life but in the deadening of the Nigerian mind.

A nation's mind is lost when the capacity for ironic sentience dies. And no group of Nigerians, at any moment in our chequered national history, has contributed more to the assassination of irony than the Confederacy of parochial interests in the leadership of APC.

If blindness to irony stopped within the ranks of APC's leadership, if it was limited to Governors, Senators, Reps, and other political figures within her ranks, I wouldn't be so worried. It would be their funeral. I am not in the habit of shedding tears for members of Nigeria's political elite over their intellectual impecuniosity.

My worry lies in how the leadership of APC has democratized blindness to irony, especially among their followers so effectively. If irony hits you like a Dangote truck and you are unable to recognize it as a citizen, you wear that condition of ignorance like a badge of honor and hit social media for celebration in this APC era.

Chief John Odigie Oyegun fired the first bullet to assassinate irony. APC had just won the election. She was still in that period of grace when the people could excuse anything. Euphoria was still in the air. One message of change that APC could send early and effectively in order to write her name in gold was in the retirement of campaign funds.

The notion of retiring campaign funds is a complete stranger in Nigeria. We have at least two adult generations who have never heard of it because it has simply never been practiced. No Nigerian has ever retired campaign funds. After elections, you privatize the leftover funds, campaign vehicles, and other resources. You keep everything for yourself and distribute some to your cronies. This, of course, is a crime routinely committed by every Nigerian who has ever run for public office: There is no separation between their bank accounts and campaign contributions.

Read the full text of Aisha Buhari's interview with BBC Hausa

Below is the full text from Aisha Buhari's controversial interview with BBC Hausa Service. 

BBC Hausa: It has been One and a half years since President Muhammadu Buhari came into power, a lot of people are expressing their unhappiness over the way few acquaintance of the President have hijacked power while neglecting people that work for his success. Like we have promised, here is how the interview with Aisha Buhari and Naziru Maka’ilu from Abuja goes. 

BBC Hausa: People have goodwill towards President Muhammadu Buhari, especially looking at the things he did before, but since coming into power things have not been working the way they should, what do you thing is the cause?

Aisha Buhari:  I am not a government official, but in my opinion as a woman, a mother, what I think is it is well known that the first 4 years are not going to be easy. Firstly, it was people that brought the government into power. More than half of those people are not appointed into the government. Some people that are not politicians, not professionals were brought into the government. They don’t even know what we said we want and what we don’t during the campaign.  They even come out and say to people we are not politicians, but they are occupying the offices meant for politicians. Some have parted with their wives, some lost their children lost, some women too have parted with their husbands because of politics, a lot happened during the time. The way things are going I too I am not happy. We are just starting, we have not finished. Some people that worked for the government have been appointed. But those heading government agencies you can find one fighting his state governor, they contested together during election one in APC while in PDP.