New Year, New You - 5 Steps to Creating Lasting
Change
So many people start
out the new year thinking, "Starting January 2 (because you give yourself
that extra day to be 'bad' ) I'm going to... quit smoking, lose weight, go to
the gym, open my own business, switch jobs, stand up for myself... “The list
can go on and on, but the truth is, resolutions are generally flimsy. They're
limp. They aren't backed up appropriately, and so they only serve to make you
feel bad about yourself.
So how do you begin to
change things?
First of all, stop
making resolutions you ultimately know are full of hot air. Sorry, tough love
time. I've done this myself. I get it. And it doesn't work.
You can wish something
to be different, but until you actually become an active participant in doing
it differently, nothing will change. Until you actively participate and
understand that change needs to occur on all 4 levels of your being -mentally,
emotionally, physically and spiritually - the change will be short-lived or not
fully realized.
Mental discipline is
not enough, though it is a start. One of the reasons diets don't usually work
is because it needs to be more than a mental process! You can't will yourself
away from the cookie that you are using to stuff down a feeling until you
identify the feeling, create a positive desire for change that is connected to
an emotion, know why you want to change, and then create do-able steps to make
the change.
Here are some ways to
create change in your life, starting today.
Step
1: Vision
First of all, you have
to know where you want to go. If you don't know where you're going, how do you
get there? Imagine using a GPS without an address or destination. There will be
no roadmap available! Really get into the vision of where you'd like to be in
the next year. Spend some time imagining what it would be like to really be
there.
Make a list of what
you would like to accomplish in the next 3 months, 6 months, and 1 year. It
should be a stretch, but do-able. If you don't believe you can accomplish these
things, it will only serve to create fodder for self-sabotage
You have to do this
part. You have to. You can't just fantasize the "wouldn't it be great
if... “Scenario. That's not taking responsibility and it's not creating change.
You have to write it down.
Step
2: Why?
This is where you get
into why you want these things. Your why is what gives you the motivation to
follow through. If you don't know why you want what you want, you'll lose your
mojo and stick-to-itiveness. Why is perhaps one of the most important questions
you can ask yourself.
Dig deeply to find
your why; it's not a superficial answer. For example, why do you want to make
more money? It's not really because you want a new car or house. More than
likely, it's because you want the lifestyle, freedom and peace that more money
will afford you.
Go beyond the initial
answer and find something of real value that will connect you more profoundly
with why you want to change something.
This might be a great
place to tap into your spiritual aspect, as well. Many of us are motivated by
wanting to experience a deep and profound sense of happiness, balance and
contentment. Those are love-based emotions that stem from spirit.
We want connection
with others in our lives, and want to feel a deeper sense of spiritual
satisfaction. When you picture the whys of your life, ask yourself how your
sense of spirituality will be affected by the changes. Are you motivated by
doing well for others? Of watching the ripple effect of love-based emotions and
the effect on those around you?
Step
3: Emotion
Connecting emotion to
your vision is hugely important. When you want to create change in your life,
getting in touch with the emotion around "the why" will empower your
decision more than you can imagine. Emotions are powerful tools - and you are
the one in charge of them (believe it or not!).
A while back I talked
about how thoughts create emotions and emotions stir us to act. This is where
emotions come into play. You are not going to act unless you "feel
it."
When you envision your
future and the changes you want to make, try to feel what that change would be
like. What emotions would you experience if that happened? What stirs you to
create such a change? What emotions are connected to your why?
Step
4: Pain or Pleasure?
The problem with
resolutions is that you can't get beyond the misery of change. I'll go back to
the dieting example. If you associate deprivation and pain with "giving
up" the foods you love, you'll never make the change.
Start identifying the
pleasure you will experience when you make the changes you wish to make.
Picture and experience the pleasure of having more energy, moving joints that
don't hurt, waking from a very sound and restful sleep, perhaps realizing that
the reflux has gone away. Imagine yourself fitting into those jeans you know
you want to get back into. Feel the elation of exercising and the endorphin
rush that comes with it.
Pick what speaks to
you.
The bottom line is
that humans are motivated by two things: the avoidance of pain and the seeking of
pleasure. If you identify the change with pain, you won't do it. When you
identify it with pleasure, you are more motivated to create and manifest what
you desire.
Most of the pain, by
the way, is in your imagination. So engage in a mental dialogue with yourself.
Replace the imagined pain with that imagined pleasure.
Step
5: Act
Begin the planning
stages. Create 3 levels of action steps:
The ultimate goal
An intermediate goal
that is do-able but a stretch
A small step that you
know you can accomplish soon
Write. It. Down.
Pick a step you want
to take, and begin to planfully act on it, using these other steps to fuel you.
So, you can see here
that you've engaged your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual parts of
yourself in order to create the scenario for change. Embodying change on all 4
of those aspects and doing what I suggest here, will give you an excellent
setup for change.
So, ditch the
resolutions. Create life-long changes by employing these steps.
Happy New Year! And
here's to creating a 2013 that's better than
ever!
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